July 2, 2008
FLORIDA: George Papoon, Surrealist party candidate for president, brought his own patriotism into question when he named his campaign boat the "Jonathan Swift."

"Papoon really swift-boated himself with this one," said recently departed political observer Tim Russert. "I can't think of a similar candidate shooting himself in the foot like this."

Papoon was quick to backpedal; "This is not a swift boat, it's a 'Swift' boat," he emphasized at a news conference.

With Papoon's phonics switch on, news reporters could not distinguish between swift boat and 'Swift' boat.

"It's like that song, 'You say tomato and I say tomato', except you're saying 'tomato' the same way each time" complained many-eyed political observer Tim Potato.

The news conference was called off.