July 3, 2008
GUANTANAMO BAY: Suspected terrorists held incommunicado since the 9/11 terrorist attacks say that they have immunity from prosecution under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA).

The new FISA bill, passed by the House and likely to pass the Senate for Bush's signature, will guarantee that telecommunications companies in violation of federal laws will have immunity. The claim, presented by numerous jailhouse lawyers, is that their terrorist acts are covered under the broad provisions of the bill.

"Flying airplanes into buildings, eliminating habeas corpus, wiretapping. It's all good," said one jihadist, "as long as The Great Satan is destroyed, we're in favor of it." Because wiretapping was necessary to stop terrorist acts, goes the argument, and because wiretapping failed to stop those acts and is itself an illegal means of controlling the populace, if companies can't be sued for breaking the law than neither can terrorists.

Sighed one Taliban expert, "Under Sharia Law, our brothers would be free to help us with our struggle and to harvest the opium crop, and the telecommunication executives would have had their ears cut off. We have our priorities." US lawyers were dubious, but said the claims under the new bill could be argued in court. The long-delayed criminal proceedings for the 9/11 terrorists might go on for another ten years.