June 25, 2009
CARSON CITY, NV: Disgraced Senator John Ensign wagged his rhetorical finger at disgraced Governor Mark Sanford. "If you're going to pay off a mistress, at least make sure the money goes to Americans! Why do you hate our troops?"

Disgraced Senator Larry Craig agreed. "I never turned a trick in a foreign airport." Disgraced former Governor Eliot Spitzer was kinder. "It must be true love to completely abandon your duties as governor to run off to a romantic place like Argentina. I stayed home and worked, and regret it." Disgraced Senator David Vitter was disturbed. "I could have given him the phone numbers of many American escort services. Why didn't he call me? I thought we were friends." But disgraced former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich was hard on his Republican colleague. "He's just trying for headlines so he can challenge me for the presidential nomination in 2012. I don't even think he's having an affair, he just wants the ink."

Disgraced former Senator John Edwards added wryly. "When I talked about 'Two Americas', I didn't mean an angry wife in North America and a spitfire mistress in South America."

Private letters of sympathy were reported to come from disgraced former Representatives Mark Foley, Dennis Hastert, and Bob Livingston. Disgraced former Representatives Tom DeLay and Randy Cunningham took the moral high ground. "All we did was steal taxpayer money. " Disgraced former governor Rod Blagojevich kindly offered to help Sandford out of trouble, if the price was right.

Former Senator Norm Coleman disgraced himself further by immediately filing yet another lawsuit in the Minnesota Supreme Court. "Some people who voted claimed they were on the Appalachian Trail when they may have been in Argentina. We need a do over."

Many other former and current politicians in various states of disgrace could have been contacted for this article, but our fingers are getting tired.